Selfish
by shimo hyozan
Summary: If he was just given the chance, he would've been selfish. //x-posted somewhere else. Spoilers for the last episode of R2. You have been warned. Contains BL implications. You've also been warned//


**Title:** Selfish  
**Category:** Code Geass R2; Angst, Suzaku-centric  
**Rating:** G  
**Pairing/s:** implied Suza/Lulu  
**Warnings:** Contains spoilers for ep.25 of R2. If you haven't watched it, go away and come back after you've watched it  
**Disclaimer:** Code Geass belongs to Sunrise  
**Notes:** This popped up in my mind after a Y!M conversation with a friend about the ending of R2. Started writing this around midnight then I just couldn't let it go until I finished it all.  
**Summary:** If given the chance, he would've been selfish

* * *

It has been a year ago since he killed his best friend.

Even if he has taken on a different persona, the persona of the man he last killed, he can't help not to remember the events that led to the person he has already become.

"_you will no longer be able to live as Kururugi Suzaku anymore…"  
_

Ah yes, he muses. That was the person he was before the incident. He was known as Kururugi Suzaku, the son of the late Prime Minister of Japan, an Honorary Britannian, Knight of Princess Euphemia Li Britannia, the pilot of the Knightmare Lancelot, Knight of Seven, Knight of One, Knight of Zero…

He stops and hangs his head. "Zero…"

He sees the attire of the infamous King of the Elevens; he himself is wearing the exact attire. The mask that hid a thousand miracles and lies was right _there_, face down and a few inches from his fingertips. He reaches for the mask and puts it over his face, as the mechanism at the back slides in place.

He looks down at his gloved hands and he remembers the tense grip it had on the hilt of the Sword of Akasha. That cursed sword that Suzaku used to kill. He remembers the surging feeling running over him like a live current, as he forcefully drives the blade through the 99th emperor Lelouch Vi Britannia.

Of course, that was all planned out, just like most of Lelouch's calculated life. All the hatred in the world accumulated and was directed towards the emperor himself, so all that was needed to be done was to get rid of the concentration. And who better to carry out his perfect plan but his most trusted knight, his own _personal_ knight, his best friend Suzaku.

The tears he shed for Lelouch that day would probably never manifest themselves again, even if he remembers that day so vividly. Those tears were of _realization_, realization of the entire scheme of Lelouch's plan and how it would change the world.

Other days when he'd weep were of longing, or negative feelings for the late emperor for his silly ideas and thoughts. He shakes his head then reaches to take off the mask. Turning it to make it face him, a flashback passes through his mind, particularly the moment when Lelouch meets with his Knight and in the end hands to him the mask of Zero.

That was how it started. Lelouch explained to him a lot of things; about his plan, about how Suzaku will carry on with his job, how he will have his own knight kill him.

Suzaku never questions, and never defies the order of his emperor. They have talked about it for some time, and Suzaku gradually came to the understanding of everything.

Well, not _everything.  
_

"Why did you have to be so damn selfish, Lelouch?" he said out loud, talking to no one in particular.

"Was it really for the world? Was it for Nunnully? Was it for yourself?" Anger stated to bubble deep inside of him as he bowed his head, resting his elbows on his knees. Hot tears started to form behind his eyelids but he tried to resist them; tried to blink them away; tried to keep them from falling like the rain. Yet, he just couldn't.

And as his tears streaked across the shiny surface of his mask, he softly uttered "why couldn't _I _be selfish for once Lelouch? I wanted to keep you for myself…or perhaps you foresaw this and punished me for my own selfishness?"

For that, he didn't know. But he knew one thing.

Kururugi Suzaku cried for his own selfishness. To keep Lelouch Vi Britannia for himself, and not for the world.


End file.
